(Mis)Adventures with Ipsy — May Glam Bag Review

My May Glam Bag arrived in an unmarked, neon pink, metallic package that must have my roommates wondering what exactly I like to order off the internet. (Sex toys arrive in plain brown packaging, thank you very much. I’m told.) Inside was the first of my decorative, reusable Glam Bags full of this month’s beauty samples.

My ENTIRE LIFE, you guys.

Y’know, come to think of it, you could fit my iPhone in there with a little bottle of booze and you wouldn’t be that far off. I think I need to reevaluate my life choices. Thanks for that cold slap of reality, Ipsy!

The first item is this neat-o postcard declaring “JETSETTER” as the theme for the month of May:

Ipsy totally gets me — I LOVE to travel. I was climbing into my private helicopter with my shopping and my giant Slurpee just last week. No I wasn’t, I was taking the bus and buying ramen noodles, but I appreciate the escapism.

Next we have a sample of Urban Decay’s Revolution High-Color Lipgloss, which is pretty cool, if aimed at women 10+ years younger than me. It comes with a 24/7 Glide-On Lip Pencil that you apply before the gloss (see, lip primer — I didn’t even know that was a thing) and two of Urban Decay’s “High-Impact Colors” to tr–

Whoa, excuse me, “Failbait”?

I like that color a lot more than the bright purple Bittersweet shade, but I don’t want to attract fail to my face. There are no scenarios in which that sounds pleasant. I’m gonna downvote this one.

Moving on!

Here we go — this is along the lines of what I was hoping for. I have the kind of dry, damaged hair that makes my hairdresser purse her lips and say “Soooooo where do you buy your shampoo?” every time I see her, so I’m eager to try out some new conditioners, like this Briogeo Reparative Leave-In Spray. I tried it out and it smells lovely, and smooths out my hair without feeling greasy or heavy. I could see myself buying this later.

What else do we got?

oh no nO GUYS I WASN’T READY

Okay, no, it’s fine, nobody’s born knowing how to use eyeliner. And this is Bellapierre’s Gel Eyeliner, a “creamy, preservative-free eyeliner pencil” with “PURE 100% minerals, natural waxes and anti oxidants.” It’s waterproof and designed to glide on smoothly. Maybe it won’t be so bad.

Dammit. This is why you don’t want to attract fail to your face, UrbanDecay!

Ooh, an eyeshadow brush!

This is useful — very pink, but useful. Apparently this is a Luxie 205 for Tapered Blending. It’ll be a nice addition to my other eyeshadow brushes, the Normal One and the Pointy One.

The final item:

I’m at that point in my life where I feel legitimate guilt and remorse for not moisturizing enough in the past, so skincare is one of the priorities of my Ipsy subscription. This Amie Matte-Finish Moisturiser feels light and nourishing and has a natural, clean smell to it. Plus it’s made in England. Not sure why that sells it for me, but spelling “moisturiser” with an S makes it seem fancy.

Overall, this is a pretty good collection of samples to try out — not exactly the contents of my life, but a good start. I’m looking forward to next month.

What did you get in YOUR May Glam Bag? Share this article and let us know!