5 Signs Elon Musk Is Going To Be A Supervillain

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Bad guys never start out evil — they slowly evolve into it via a twisting of their passions and perspectives. Who knows what the catalyst will be, but we’re postulating that Elon Musk, savvy inventor of the electric car Tesla and the SpaceX private space exploration company will turn evil. Perhaps it will be the death of a loved one — which he will blame the United Nations for (because one of their flags fell on her) or as he orbits Earth in his rocket, he’ll realize that people are basically ants — ants that can be smashed.

Long story short, Elon will doubtlessly have the moment where his supervillain switch is flipped on and he assumes control of us all. What makes us think that? Here are the five biggest signs Elong Musk will become a supervillain:

5. He’s Building His Lair

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Banking on solar power, Elon is building a giant factory in Buffalo that will produce solar panels for his SolarCity company. Called Riverbend, the enormous plant will employ 5000 people, all subject to Elon’s whims. It’s pretty easy to go from out-of-work parent trying to feed your family to gun-toting henchman in a hardhat that is just “looking out for the company.”

Similar Villains: Dr. Evil, All James Bond’s villains

4. His Unnatural Fixation With Space

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Elon got rich from cyberspace when he helped create PayPal. Now he’s the owner of SpaceX. His solar power company is all about harnessing space rays to heat homes. And he’s looking to put up a field of space satellites now. This guy is whacked out on the intergalactic abyss. How long before he starts utilizing the sun’s rays to do his bidding? Putting up a bunch of magnifying lenses under the guise of satellites essentially gives Musk a solar-powered batch of death lasers, capable of cooking human beings in nanoseconds.

Similar Villains: Mr. Burns, Hugo Drax

3. He’s Looking To Build An Army of Sky Robots

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Glimpse upon Musk’s proposed VTOL electric airplane. Yeah, that thing isn’t going to be shuttling screaming babies whose ears won’t pop around the country, that’s a death robot if I’ve ever seen one (I haven’t). Getting his start with Tesla electric cars, Musk gave himself an education in getting humankind to trust him. Hell, investors throw money at him every time he steps up to the microphone. Now he’s ready to start unveiling the objects of our impending enslavement (well, your enslavement — after this article, I will be marked for extermination).

Similar Villains: Dr. Bolivar Trask, Skynet

2. Hyperloop? Or Missile Shuttle?

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Hmm, a private high-speed train being built between San Francisco and Los Angeles constructed under great secrecy. Designed to work like an air hockey table, the Hyperloop will propel trains — or missiles — with air compressors. It would be pretty easy to build a giant missile-aiming track pointed at Los Angeles and then sit back and extort the fat cats in Hollywood from your safe hub across the country in Buffalo!

Similar Villains: Syndrome, Dr. Evil

1. His Name

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Elon Musk. Not Jimmy or Bobby or Lance or Doug — Elon. Does that sound like someone who could do bad things and not feel bad? Even “Musk” is strange. I gotta believe Elon got teased about his name growing up, but he stuck to his guns, steeling himself, making himself tough. He knew revenge would come and that it would be swift, efficient and from space. In fact, this whole nightmare could have been avoided likely, if his parents had just named him Roy.

Similar Villains: “Boy Named Sue” Kid, Gargamel

Now in the interest of providing a fair counterpoint, Elon Musk might not become a supervillain. He might just be a genius making the world a better, smarter place. But as one of the many nameless, pitchfork-wielding alarmists on the internet, I feel like we can’t take that chance. We’ve got to pledge our fealty to Elon now, while it’s still early on! Who’s with me in surrendering now?

Share this internet so we can all surrender together as a proper mob of cowards.