How Did Marvel Studios Become So Out Of Touch?


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Look, as long as the Royal African Company and its contemporaries factor into the conversation, Marvel Studios isn’t even in the ballpark of worst companies ever. Still, the more news and leaked memos that comes out about the company, the more it looks like that opinionated and extra-grabby uncle of yours — the one whom mom made you learn to lock the bathroom door to dissuade him from “wandering in.”

Now some might feel that because Sony is the ones with the leak, they should be under the heat lamp here, but Marvel Studios has repeatedly shown itself to be an “old world company,” out of touch with changing values and trends.

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We’ve reported before on their opinions on female superheroes, but now comes the news that Spiderman must be white, straight and male. According to Variety:

The agreement (between Sony & Marvel Studios) spells out that mandatory Spider-Man traits must always strictly conform to the following list: male; does not torture; does not kill in defense of self or others; does not use foul language beyond PG-13; does not smoke tobacco; does not sell/distribute illegal drugs; does not abuse alcohol; does not have sex before the age of 16; does not have sex with anyone below the age of 16; and is not a homosexual (unless Marvel has portrayed that alter ego as a homosexual).

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The Peter Parker character traits include: his full name is Peter Benjamin Parker; he is Caucasian and heterosexual; his parents become absent from his life during his childhood; from the time his parents become absent he is raised by Aunt May and Uncle Ben in New York City; he gains his powers while attending either middle school or college; he gains his powers from being bitten by a spider; he designs his first red and blue costume; the black costume is a symbiote and not designed by him; he is raised in a middle class household in Queens, New York; he attends or attended high school in Queens, New York; and he attends or attended college in New York City.

Then, couple that with the idea that Marvel allegedly has its characters and their movies scheduled out to 2040.

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How do they plan to do this?

Well, they have a whole canon of “superheroes” that barely make anyone’s radar — Ant Man, for instance. Ant Man, which is already scheduled for release this summer, is widely regarded to be the harbinger of doom for superhero flicks. Of course, The Punisher and The Hulk movies before it weren’t, so maybe Ant Man won’t mean anything at all — except a reboot somewhere around 2023. See that appears to be the contingency plan for Marvel Studios’ contingency plan: reboot, reboot, reboot. Regardless of whether the film’s succeed or fail, re-inject them into the public consciousness until you find a formula that works. And then, once you find a formula that works, smack moviegoers with it until it doesn’t. Or put it on TV where standards are lower.

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Already more leaked emails have announced that they are tinkering with recasting Tony Stark for a new film series and how that will look. They already did it once with Spiderman — and now they’re doing it again! They’re rebooting the reboot, cancelling out the stories that came before them — even if Sam Raimi’s 2000-era Spiderman films were the catalyst for the rebirth of the superhero movement!

Even now, a new Punisher film is being planned for yet another reboot. Of course, Marvel rival DC Comics isn’t off the hook here — they’re also rebooting that god-awful Green Lantern movie, allegedly with Chris Pine attached to star.

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Is this really the future of entertainment?

Are we really going to be hit over the head with movie concepts until we agree to love them in some fashion? Apparently yes. We bought in to some of their escapades, and like a junk mailer, Marvel has now put us on the hook for it again and again and again.

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This will be a nope.

How long before they kill the golden goose though? Is that the new business strategy for Marvel? To run the tires off the car and keep it moving until we turn away in disgust? Look, I get the profit thing — and if people are ponying up for the hits, why not try? But there’s something to be said for not assaulting us with properties we don’t care for in perpetual reboots — and not destroying the characters we do cherish with instant turnarounds on the franchise. Can anyone else fill Robert Downey Jr.’s shoes in regard to Iron Man?


Oh ... dear god ... no ...

Oh … dear god … no …

Does anyone over the age of 8 even want to see them try? Maybe that’s the secret … the old PT Barnum maxim: there’s a sucker born every minute. And Marvel Studios is apparently eager to take their candy as soon as they’re born.

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