Recently, security footage from a donut shop obtained by TMZ dropped on YouTube, showing Ariana Grande licking donuts that weren’t hers and loudly announcing “I hate America.” It was sort of an odd moment for all us America-loving Americans who also treasure clean food:
Worst of all, when she tongue-kisses her boyfriend and then licks that second donut, she’s not just spreading who she’s kissed to that donut, she’s spreading everyone her boyfriend has ever kissed as well, if I am to believe my 7th grade Sex-Ed textbook. That donut is a victim.
The footage attracted enough controversy that Ariana cancelled her performance at the MLB All-Star game and has now issued an apology on YouTube to her fans:
Of course they’ll forgive her because they are young and enamored. When their favorite pop stars screw up, they blame “the haters.” At the same time, this wasn’t just some random video — some hipster lady was no doubt standing in the background pointing to stat charts of Arianna’s diminishing Q scores. She should currently be somewhere right around this guy:
Whether this sticks is anybody’s guess. Oh who are we kidding? She’s young and cute. This whole thing will just make her more popular somehow. I think Shailene Woodley should play her in the movie based on this incident.