Okay, first I have to preface with that headline that they did not literally screw me. This is a family magazine and we fully believe that families sit gathered around at night and the youngest child gets to pick one NMR story to have read aloud while everyone eats caramel popcorn. So no dry, hot, lube-free boning actually involved.
That being said, I got taken for a ride by Rhett & Link of Good Mythical Morning in their season finale. You should probably watch the entire video before you read any further because SPOILERS!
Since I am working from home on the East Coast, I decided the best thing I could do on a happy Friday was make myself a chicken sandwich for lunch. Now this isn’t a mere chicken sandwich, this is a chicken sandwich of LEGEND. Brioche bun, fried chicken tenderloin, crisp Romaine lettuce, stupid Hellman’s mayo instead of rightful Best Foods mayo, provolone cheese melted atop … oh, and GHOST PEPPERS. I was thoughtful though, I was gonna wash it down with milk to help mitigate the effects of the capsaicins — like we all learned to do when eating THE THIRD HOTTEST PEPPER OF ALL TIME.
As I settled in to eat my sandwich, I saw Rhett & Link had just posted a thing about what makes your mouth not burn when eating hot peppers. Brilliant. And perfectly timed! I went to eat my sandwich and watch the footage, figuring whatever they rated the best would be my solution to the ghost pepper burn.
Milk went first and got just an eh! rating. So I did what any logical person would do and tossed out my stupid glass of stupid milk. And then it just became a shit show! Secret mouth-cooling technique after mouth-cooling technique was discarded in favor of … wait for it: MILK! By the end of the video, milk won the day and I sat through 14 minutes of mouth-blistering hell to find that out.
But it was all worth it because I got to hear my homey (and former NMR cameraman) Eddie Coleman chime in from the background (and get blamed for thinking toothpaste was any sort of answer for a hot mouth)!
Really, I was just happy in knowing that Rhett & Link suffered much more than I. So all in all, a damn good video!