Machinima has a terrific idea on its hands with Real Fake History, a new series that takes fictional moments from pop culture and gives ‘em the History Channel treatment.
First up: The Battle of Endor
What a dynamite concept, right? But it absolutely dies on the writing. The jokes aren’t funny, the acting is flat and the pilot episode lacks a solid direction. But damn, this concept is excellent. If Real Fake History can figure itself out, it could follow in the footsteps of things like Drunk History as being a premiere series that leaps off the web and onto television.
What we need to do here (yes, I just made myself a part of this because it’s too good an idea to ruin), is a complete overhaul of the writing and acting. Hopefully the series isn’t too married to those components.
Voiced by Phil Morris, who played Jackie Chiles on Seinfeld way back when, the actor lacks the vocal gravitas to convey the importance of these “events.” He never sells it as an epic happening. There’s gotta be someone out there with a great voice who will work for peanuts — find that person, because with 68,000 views in 24 hours from a major MCN project, having a “celebrity narrator” isn’t putting asses in the seats.
Unfortunately, they’ve already filmed an entire season 1 apparently. Here’s what’s upcoming:
Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out
Witness the exclusive, never before seen tale of Little Mac’s rise to champion of the Video Game Boxing Association, and the life-altering costs.
The Avengers: Battle of New York City
Super-powered heroes fight for Earth during an alien invasion, but the true stories of loss and heroism happened to regular folks on the ground and in the office buildings Hulk destroyed.
Pacific Rim: The Battle of Hong Kong
The Captain of a docked oil tanker is the unintended victim of Jaeger robot Gypsy Danger’s last-ditch defense of Hong Kong.
The Dark Knight Rises: Taking Back Gotham City
Military experts weigh in on the tactical benefits of the Gotham Police Department’s unarmed charge towards Bane’s entrenched defensive position.
Kill Bill: Massacre At The House of Blue Leaves
On paper, Beatrix Kiddo shouldn’t have had a prayer against the entire Crazy 88s. Medical experts and eyewitness account tell the story of the Crazy 88s literal dismemberment at the hands of The Bride.
Starship Troopers: Disaster on Klendathu
The Federation’s assault on the Arachnid planet Klendaathu was a disaster that cost the lives of 308,563 human troops. When you practice on human targets and take hot co-ed showers every day, how can you be good at killing bugs?
Starcraft 2: Eugene vs. Jay
When two roommates decide to take their rivalry to the battlefield, only one Terran or Zerg army will survive the fight… or will they?
Game of Thrones: The Battle of Castle Black
We examine the lives of the Wilding Giants caught in the needless maelstrom of violence during the Battle of Castle Black.
The Walking Dead: Woodbury’s Assault on the Prison
In the middle of a deadly, calculated attack on Rick Grimes and his allies, Michonne discovers two unlikely zombies brought together by fate.
I am excited for the Mike Tyson one as well as the Kill Bill one, but I am terrified that they are going to screw them up.
Of course let’s give Machinima and its crew the benefit of the doubt, we can hang on for another ep. (especially because it’s the Mike Tyson one), but if it sucks also — and considering that this Battle of Endor one was chosen to be first up, it likely will, Machinima would do good to go into hiatus, retool the mechanics of the show and reintroduce it with some comedic heft behind it.
Argh, such a good concept … it could be amazing … Machinima, don’t screw this up … please …